Round the bend
In my spare time, I volunteer as a canal-boat skipper for a local charity. I trained about five years ago without any prior experience of canal boats. I thought it would be relaxing fun, cruising the canal with happy passengers, surrounded by nature. I was only partly correct – it is great fun; the passengers are unfailingly happy (who wouldn’t be after a trip on the canal?) and the nature is wonderful … but relaxing? Not so much although that is changing.
There were two things which undermined a feeling of relaxation. Firstly, a gnawing background concern that something would happen that I wouldn’t be able to handle. Secondly, a more focused concern about a particular 180˚ turn (which is difficult in a long boat on a narrow canal!) on the route we take, which is sometimes hampered by other boats moored ‘illegally’. My concern is heightened when the boat I’m skippering is being ‘gongoozled’ (look it up!) by other boaters and passers-by.
Whenever I approached the 180˚ turning point I was trepidatious as it came into view around a blind corner … would I be ok or would this be harder than normal? My response was either sighs of relief and a smile or a tensing of muscles and a grimace. Recently (and yes, we are talking 5 years post-training) things have changed. The background anxiety has diminished and my fear of the turn has been greatly reduced. I’ve realised the facts speak for themselves. There have been many difficulties, some of my manoeuvres have not been elegant and on a couple of notable occasions passing walkers have been co-opted to help me out when I’ve thrown a rope to them on the towpath. But the boat isn’t wedged between the canal banks and the passengers have without exception enjoyed the trip. Capability has crept up on me, the outcome from lots of experience (some of which has been bad). My ego has been dented at times, but is largely intact; more importantly, so is the boat.
Something else has become apparent to me. I have a strong desire to know in advance what I will see around the blind bend. But I can only deal with what I find when I reach that point. And (as I wrote before) I’ve always found a way to cope. The mental image of abandoning the boat, telling the passengers to find their own way home and stomping off (difficult when you’re on a canal boat, admittedly) has not materialised.
On a different topic, as an amateur hat-maker I’ve learned that a canal boat is a wonderful environment to try out my latest creation. On the canal, no-one seems to care what’s being worn on the head or indeed anywhere else on the body. A milliner who was teaching me once observed that ‘a hat is the only item of clothing it takes courage to wear’. The canal is a great place for building that courage.
There is a connection between the topics beyond the fact they both take place on a canal; both skippering a canal boat and wearing a hat you’ve made are minor acts of vulnerability; i.e. showing up when you don’t know what’s going to happen (Brené Brown’s definition) … an unavoidable consequence if you want to learn anything new.
David Cain expresses all of this beautifully: “There really isn’t any way to look forward, in any reliable sense. It turns out we’re always in the position of entering a new and unpredictable experience, even on a presumably routine day, and we might feel safer if we acknowledged that. That way, we could count on self-reliance and resilience to get by, rather than clairvoyance, which we don’t have anyway.
There’s something exhilarating about really taking that on board. The future isn’t knowable enough to justify flow-charting our responses or rehearsing certain catastrophes. We have no idea what we’re walking into, and it’s obvious – when we look back at our decades of misplaced worries and unforeseen setbacks – that we never have.”










